Logan's Cancer Journey

Anniversary of sorts.....

2009-06-11T07:54:00.000-07:00

One year and 5 hours ago today Logan Denton Smith passed away. I dont know if I have not let myself get emotioal about the "date" or just dont feel connected to it the same way others may. Jon and Tammy have been making their way out here from Madison so in a spur of the moment descision Becky decided we should meet them in Yellowstone park. we are currently at Big sky resort in the amazing Gallitan Gateway....just north of the park.

I do remember this day last year quite clearly as I have never really had anyone I was very close to die, and Logan was much more than that!

cheers to Logan....I just try and feel grateful that I was part of his experience.

cancer sucks

Good Ole Sherman

2009-04-13T19:07:00.000-07:00

I had thought to write something last week. We had been reading about the things we were doing last year/same time, the second round of Chemo had started for Logan, Kansas was winning the NCAA basketball tournament, who we were all rooting for.....but after the NFL NY Giants had won the super bowl(Logans favorite team)we were feeling like we had something on our side.

Well, today we took Sherman Logans lovable Saint Bernard to the vet with a limp. After some Xrays it looks like he has bone cancer. We will give him some pain meds and hope to spend another week or so with him. Of the options that we were presented with, such as amputation and radiation...the option of Chemo-therapy was ironic if not spooky because they use the same type(doxorubicin) that was used on Logan. perhaps we tend to reach a bit to find some meaning in it all but I would have to say I agree with Becky when she said "Logan is calling Sherman home" and ill bet he wants him right by his side.

Giving Thanks

2008-11-17T08:48:00.000-08:00

Logan's Cancer Journey
Here we are Thanksgiving day, one year since Logan was diagnosed with an abdominal mass and life flighted to Seattle. I always found it ironic in a serendipitous way that Logan's cancer was discovered at this time of year. I remember it clearly as if it were yesterday. Logan as a human being seemed to evolve or mature as a person more than any of us. I recall the look on his face being loaded into the ambulance that was taking him to the plane that flew him and Becky to Seattle, and it was fearful, confused and worried. Logan was a trooper from the start of his ordeal and only seemed to transcend that description as time went on, and it felt like we were along for the ride. I say that of course in a spiritual sense, but looking into Logan's eyes and talking to him in his last days I saw a maturity of a soul that I may only dream of. And that is indicative of the common denominator of Logan's life here with us embodied.......and that is setting the mark.

I have to , even amidst the sadness be thankful for what I learned from Logan and the inspiration that I have now that I didn't have before to be a different kind of person....a better kind of person. I may have not been able to save him, but I bet he has that grin on his face where ever he may be...knowing that he may have save me. So on this traditional day of givving thanks...in a world that seems to more and more remind us of the problems we face....I give thanks for the oppourtunity I had to walk a few steps in life with Logan Smith

Lynn Montgomery

2008-10-31T10:28:00.000-07:00

Missoula lost a great man this past week. I can only speak from my perspective, and that includes personal experience and local folklore. Lynn , I was told died from a heart attack while ice skating. I met him through Becky and I genuinely liked him and found him very interesting. His personality as I interpret from others was on the eccentric side (probably why I liked him), his professionalism as an OBGYN was stellar. Becky said to me just yesterday..."he was always there for me", and as I vividly recall the day/night Logan first went into the hospital...Lynn was right there....and I can tell you he made a tremendous difference. I will never forget this man....he was a game changer.... may he continue to affect lives for the better where-ever he is !

Very Nice People

2008-10-25T08:13:00.000-07:00

I had just written the last post about people who are special. Another one of these wonderfull humans is Bob Conway, a friend of a friend. We met him in December of 07 when her came by to visit after Logan after the surgey (nephrectomy). What made Bobs visit unique was that he had basically the same cancer that Logan had been diagnosed with...Renal Cell Carcinoma.

IT was trmendously helpful for Logan and us to meet and see someone who was dealing with the same thing. Bob sat with Logan by his bed and asnswered his questions, I was filled with warmth by Bobs kindness and generosity, and still am. Bob passed away on Oct.16 and a memorial was held for him here in Missoula yesterday. The world was certianly a better place with a guy like Bob Conway, I am sure his impact will be felt for generations.

Great People make a great world

2008-10-21T15:45:00.000-07:00

I was reading some depressing stuff that was makin me mad...about Cancer of course and how chemotherapy is basically complete bullcrap that pharma companies make $$$$ from....ok ok before I go off.....so anyhow I was looking at some pictures and thinking(remembering) how some people were so kind and generous...out of no obligation. Jon Brockman is one of these people. He came down to see Logan at the Ronald Mchouse, they kinda played ball, Jon gave Logan some items. It was very very cool, someone in Missoula knew Jon and said somethin to him I guess. What makes Jon a VIP is that he plays Basket ball for the Huskies...we will be rootin for the huskies this year.....we will see if he can prove himself on the court...since in my opinion he has already proven himself in life..

you can read more about Jon here

The journey continues

2008-09-18T17:25:00.000-07:00

I dropped Wyatt and hayden off at football practice, it is a absolutely nice day here. at yesterdays games Becky and I had the company of Jake who was in Logans class, he is such a sweet little guy, he also wrestled with Logan. Jake in his innocent bright way was telling Becky stories about Logan in class and those little precious things he remembered......it really was a golden ....very special.

I am repainting the kitchen ...the old wall paper had to go. I am actually really liking the complex textured multicolored new look ( I was very nervous) perhaps ill add a photo and you may comment . (uhhhmm its not done yet)------------>

What motivated me to write today was seeing in the news something about bogus cancer cures ...of course I had to go read about what the FTC and the FDA are doing now to protect us. Additionally it is a day when another monumental bill came in, It appears to be for the tube feeding and the TPN which was a do-it yourself thing that I basically administered to Logan, I remember they would just give us all this stuff about 60% of we would use. I think This great insurance paid about 10% of the bill...makes you think ....Whats the point of the insurance. Constant battle and it has been just over three months, well im starting to ramble.

I want to add that we recieved some very touching and heart felt letters from some of the nurses who helped care for Logan, I will never forget some of these magnificent human beings who put their heart and soul into their profession. THANK YOU

Im posting a commentary from natural news concerning the FTC and the cancer cure subject, please consider this information in terms of our health care system as we head into this most interesting election season.

Fall brings school and football

2008-09-09T21:17:00.000-07:00

Wyatt and Hayden are busy with both...you can keep up with their exploits at lilgriz or watch some nice video or just look at some action fotos

hope everyone is well

Home Alone

2008-07-13T11:27:00.000-07:00

Well what a past few days.....Wyatt and Hayden are in KC with Bob & Ann, Becky is in Tuscon promoting Haelan to her sister (keep her in your thoughts....sending lots of positive mojo your way Mary)

since Ive been here in Missoula all alone...I decided to organize....(I'm kinda regretting it) boxes and boxes and boxes...etc etc ...you get the picture), I found receipts from 1995 that I had saved....man I used to be organized. I also found lots of pictures, video, and some cash(yippee)....

There was a little movie Logan had made...an animated piece that was cute as heck where he made the sound effects.
I also found things that pertain to Logan like notes he wrote to me before I left for the world series of poker...(a definite tuff read), also a journal he had started in January...where he talks about his teacher..Burreson seeing a mouse in the class. Then the last entry was from March 7th describing the day after they had arrived in Seattle, he describes the pike street market, a bad dinner, a pirate game and ends with..."all in all we had a good nite"

Year of the Tiger

2008-07-03T10:11:00.000-07:00

It has been about 3 weeks since we last posted, we are now home, we have had a memorial type of service for Logan. The event took place on what would have been his 10th birthday, there were lots of people but it all seems a blurr......lots of well intentioned family and friends surrounded us. I have thought about writing something for over a week but nothing really comes to mind that might seem ...Deep or wise or even politically correct, I will just say nothing makes it better...no words....no flowers....no hugs....no nothing except Perhaps time. (ok i just read this and let me clarify that it means sooooo much to me and I know to Becky each loving and caring thought or gesture, it is invaluable, it is just that there is specific part of the loss, guilt , pain that is such a dear reminder of what was and what could have been) We are getting ready to go away for the 4th of july (joy joy...Im not too thrilled) but Hayden and Wyatt will have a blast.

Ive been collecting all the video I have of Logan and consolidating the footage, It has been a rewarding experience, it has helped bring back my vision of how he was prior to the logan I got used to seeing in Seattle. I forgot about some of the unique and fun things we had done together and I am so glad we played around with the old video camera.

I have asked myself, "is this blog over because Logan died" or "Is there anything to gain from writing in it or reading it" the real question that may be more relavant is ....Is there life after death..? (that can be a tricky question) I have some strong thoughts about that ....but I would like to hear what any of you may have to say....dont be shy let it rip !

Logan

2008-06-15T10:10:00.000-07:00

Logan was a big part of are family Logan you know he was always funny even up to the last day.
He loved watching Hayden and I fight over the most retarded things" like we sometimes still do" He was a great brother to have for the about 10 years we had him, he was the least selfish of all of us he could save his money very well, and if he spent some it would usually be on someone else. Logan was was nice and very smart, he so smart he was doing 6th grade math in 3rd grade. He was good at a lot of things from doing math to reading to almost everything educational. Logan was a great brother and we will never forget him he will always be in are hearts. LOVE YOU LOGAN
Wyatt

logan

2008-06-15T09:50:00.000-07:00

Logan was a good brother and he did not deserve this but it happens and in some ways its good that he is dead because he was in so much pain all the time. my mom locked herself in his room at 8:30 PM and is still locked in there. other than that we are all sad how can we not . the house seems so empty without him. but we know logan is all around us and he is pain free playing in heaven. and watching Wyatt and I fighting all the time ( he had great pleasure watching us fight) i still wonder why god wanted him in heaven probably so he can have a einstien in heaven with him( Logan was a genious ) we all loved him so much every time I look at a picture of him i start to cry and say its not fair or come back but we know he wont we will probably be like this for a very long time.

hayden

2008-06-11T20:03:00.000-07:00

My eyeballs hurt, Ellen is reading to Becky and Kris took Hayden,Wyatt and Jackson to a movie. we had dinner here at RMH, Brooks shoe company gave everyone shoes and athletic gear. The people here have been more than heart felt and kind, one young boy named Hunter came up to me, he is very shy, and said that Logan and I were his only friends here and that he is sad about Logan and and feels bad for us.....it was extremely touching and warmed my heart to hear these sweet words from this young man who has his own challenges.

A comment or correction on what I wrote earlier ...rather than change it Ill explain it.....Describing Logans Heart attack in the tub, and I only assume it was the heart. I used the word massive, a dear friend suggested that it could be taken as more violent and horrible than it was. It was sudden and it was not prolonged, he did not linger and suffer in the moment, it was powerful.

I don't think I have ever in my life felt such Love in so many ways that all of you have been expressing. Acquaintances, friends , family all have shared so much in such a genuine way that it makes me feel so proud to have been a part of his life.

Logan's struggle has ended

2008-06-11T15:06:00.000-07:00

Logan passed away this morning at 5.20 am. He chattered all nite about a variety of things then decided to take a bath, we walked him down to the tub, he got in and within 30 seconds after sitting there he had what appeared to be a massive heart attack. He reached out his arms and said "I'm scared mom" she grabbed him and shrieked, I scooped him out of the tub and carried him to his room where he layed in his mothers arms and took his last breath. Becky cried as she remembered how he came into this world in her arms and now he leaves in her arms.

Logan had his pain managed well, his condition deteriorated very fast since the last time I wrote. His mind was still active and cognitive till the end. He spoke of a train and the fog and how it was clearing up....... he told his mother that we don't choose when people go, God does....... he was very happy to have his brothers around.

Becky offered to have an autopsy done, the doctors were thankful and Logan would have wanted that, that they may be able to help another with what he has gone through.

We are back at Ronald Mcdonald house , Becky has been able to get a little rest, we will be ready to go back to Missoula on Friday. In a twist of coincidence an author who wrote a book titled Pennies for penguins was giving a slide show here today and came to get us(not knowing what had just happened)....so we listened....Logan loved those penguins.

Wyatt and Hayden are doing ok , thay had spent the nite with Aunts Ellen and Anne. They all came right over and were able to see Logan and hug him goodbye .

He passed peacefully yet his body had been under such hardship, Logan endured so much and still had hope with us for a miracle.....It is really the most salient part of the last days.....that is, the tremendous amount of courage that Logan showed, truly an inspiration.

Brave Brave Brave

2008-06-10T17:46:00.000-07:00

So much is happening and it is hard to put it into words here on this blog. Logan is surrounded by friends and family, he is not in a good state. His belly is causing a lot of trouble...a lot of discomfort. his breathing is labored and there is pressure on his organs. He is looking forward to his make a wish, and that is a trip to Hawaii, we are scheduled to leave on Thurs. the 12Th. there was a meeting yesterday with almost all the docs and family and Logan for a part of it that dealt with integrating hospice and palliative care into the picture. His pain is being managed very well, and the team here at the hospital is performing an impressive feat.

obviously this is very difficult ....especially for Becky....but as Logan told me in the bath yesterday, he said "she is handling it better than I thought" I said handling what? he replied..."the end". Logan wasn't quitting I think he was acknowledging the fact that he knew he faces great odds at making a complete recovery. His brothers are doing the best they can .....holding on to that chance of a miracle , yet coming to terms with the reality of their brothers struggle.

Logan is a very brave boy and he is comforted in all the love and prayers of all who know him.

Health Insurance ??

2008-06-04T16:04:00.000-07:00

Insurance company Blue cross asks docs to rat on patients ??!!

from LA Times article

"Lynne Randolph, a spokeswoman for the state Department of Managed Health Care, said the agency would review the letter. Blue Cross is fighting a $1-million fine the department imposed in March over alleged systemic problems the agency identified in the way the company rescinds coverage."

Becky has good health insurance from her work for Logan and that is good, BUT with all the stuff they keep sending back that they wont cover it seems like it would be a full time job to battle with the claims people. additionally a person still can lose all that they have even when insured, the benefit is that you have more treatment options within the current medical establishment.

I cant imagine if we would have had to stay in a hotel for all these months....thank you Ronald Mcdonald house. The most important is that Logan gets well and has the best oppourtunity to do so.....

thanks to all of you

I* forgot

2008-06-04T10:28:00.000-07:00

we went to a spa monday , ummelina Logan and i did the steam room with a vishy shower and some salt oil scrubs, we also had a foot rub, Anne Manhart met us there and her and Becky got some other kinda girly thing done. I told logan we were like some high power excecutives and this is how some big deals are made. I was interesting to see this spa , after we went to eat chinese. good times

when we walked back to the car we passed an old man sucking on his glass pipe smoking crack, he asked if I was a cop then started rambling about how he was sick and apologized, I said "obviously " as he scurried off. Logan and Becky where a few steps behind me, logan asked if I knew that guy and asked what he was doing. I told him the man was a downtown icon.

Fur Balls

2008-06-04T10:09:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Logan was spitting up a lot of mucous, not vomiting ...that didn't happen but the mucous thing was weird. Then all of a sudden he quasi yakked coughed choked up a tennis ball size of mucous. Becky and I looked at each other as if he gave birth to an alien. two scenarios can be at work here the first is that the ascites can be mucous based and cancer can form mucous to protect itself ,so that is the less desirable of the two. second scenario is that the body is detoxifying and is expelling the toxins and junk in an attempt to heal. after a lot of reading and thinking I tend to lean to the detox scenario, yes I want to believe that but it doesn't do any good to ignore reality and blindly believe what I want to.

yes his belly is still big, but we concur that it seems slightly smaller, we haven't measured it but there may be slight progress there. he had developed a rash on his baldish head and that is a little less radiant. he still isn't sleeping well but his mood is good. so no vomiting yesterday, and he woke up a little hungry, these may seem like small things but in our world of small margins they tend to take on larger significance.

mike

Memoriel day weekend

2008-06-01T11:47:00.000-07:00

This memoriel day weekend my blood counts were a little low so I got a blood transfusion my first time I was worried that I would a have bad reaction bad I didn't. ever secne I got the transfusion I have felt much more energetic I'm even using the workout room with my mom everyday we've only missed one day so far I had lots of fun memoral day weekend with adom, aunt carry, matt and haunnah we went and saw Indiana jones it wasn't as good as I thought but it was ok. today I'm feeling good and I hope we do somthing fun today.

odd morning

2008-06-01T11:37:00.000-07:00

ok this may not seem like the biggest thing in the world ...BUT...it certianly is encouraging. Logan woke up asking for food saying he was hungry!!! why is this significant you may ask??...well I cant remember the last time he felt hungry...eating an almond was a stretch for him.

TREATMENT DEVIATION

2008-05-31T09:24:00.000-07:00

yesterday Logan did not get the timserolimus (chemo). his abdomonal distention which can be referred to as ascietes is basically an accumulation of fluid in the spaces between the organs. This can be serious when it disrupts breathing or interferes with other organ function, this does not appear to be the case, in Logan's situation the extra weight and pressure is causing more back pain. what is responsible for this build up, I understand that the docs are unsure of the cause. this fluid build up is what is in question and can infer different things, one of the common side effects of the timserolimus can be fluid build up, another possibility is the progression of the cancer itself, a third possibility that was originally surmised was that his albium level (a blood protein element ) is low and this can lead to fluid not being retained by cells and the result is it seeps into various parts of the body. so when we discussed the issued yesterday, it was determined that his Albium level was low but not low enough to be the sole cause for the build up. additionally the TPN (feeding intravenous) would not cause this, yet would provide the extra amount of fluid. The scenario that is less desirable is that the ascietes is due to the progression of the cancer, the docs wont say this because the only way to know is to test the fluid and that would require drawing fluid via a needle. I asked Fong and he told me he believed50/50, some progression some side effect. so they suggested taking a break from the chemo this week , we will be in Monday for a check up and then more scans next week.

My feelings about all this are that it is not as dire as one may conclude, the reason is that the rapid and sudden nature of build up when we started the TPN is not in line with recent results. although I feel the docs are wary of the cancer causing the buildup, I attribute it to a combination. the cancer Logan has is extremely aggressive yet has been slowed significantly by treatment. so we will monitor his giant belly over the next week and see what happens.

I tried some of the Haelen this morning and WOW it is some wangy tasting stuff, I gave Logan 3 ounces this morning via his tube, it is the only thing I have ever put down his NG tube that did not make him nauseous.

I'm watching the DNC hearing in the Fl. Mich. voting debacle and am wowed by Robert Wexler...that guy can be on my team any time.

it is sunny in Seattle

mike

morning

2008-05-30T11:21:00.000-07:00

we all rested a little better, Logan was a bit nauseas but did not yak...even when I injected the Haelin into his feeding tube and that normally triggered a good throw up session. he had a bit of pain took a dliauded and is currently listening to a rick collingwood meditation mp3. These really help. we will visit the doc today and get the timserolimus, one key aspect of the Haelan is that it complements conventional treatment a person my be recieving.

In the roonald mcdonald house it is a place of hope and it is kinda fun to get to know the other kids and families. the Alaska group is kinda tight knit and one lady gave me some home canned Jalapno salmon. I got accosted by one of the workers here yesterday over my use of a blender....it was a bizaar incident and led to a meeting with a big wig. the woman claimed she was scared for her safety by my response when she asked me about the blender I was using. I was not overly nice nor was I loud or inapropriate in my choice of words, I assume she was taken aback by my direct response when she asked if she was in my was, I replied "yes", anyhow It got handled and I am no longer terrified to use the house blenders....ha ha ha!

I have forgotten I think to thank a company called Massage Envy that had given Logan and I free massages a while back....that was very kind and unexpected.

sorry

2008-05-29T21:57:00.000-07:00

I think Ive been slacking a bit in keeping this updated, I cant say this is a lot of work but I can say it feels like it...not the blog entries....I refer to the entire scope of being here in Seattle. I was mindlessly watching Larry king and several pundits analyze McClellan's book.... I'm thinking "what"? the government may have lied or deceived?...I am so shocked, not at the lying but at these media nit wits...keeping American dumbed down . anyhow that's a bit off topic. So at this moment in time Becky was doing some laundry and Logan was (still is) sleeping . That is good because he hasn't rested well in 3 days. suddenly he started mumbling about a secret...I'm thinking hes dreaming, when he looks right at me ....so I say "what secret?" he says you know where we get our tires filled and if any one really wants to know we can charge them $100K, then he rolled over.

This stands out because we are trying a nutritional supplement named Haelan 951, a fermented soy based product http://www.haelan951.com/ link to their web site. We met with a guy named Joe at the company that happens to be about 20 mile from here. Joe was amazingly warm and genuine, we left the warehouse with a case and we could not wait to get home and begin. The funny thing is Joe told us Logan may have dreams that are different. more about this process later.

The TPN (feeding through his port) has become a less than successful in my opinion, Logan has become immensely distended, imagine a pregnant woman at 8 months. Yes he has gained weight but it is only in his belly, his arms and legs have lost mass, as he weighed in at 85 lbs today. The extra weight has increased pressure and train on his lower back , and as you can imagine sends him into a much higher pain zone....so that is not working. We consulted with the nutritionist and Fong today and agreed to take him off and revisit the issue tomorrow when we get back for our weekly treatment.

as for Logans general state ....lemme put it in a different way, its like watching your favorite team or maybe a fighter in the ring getting beaten when you know that if they can just get to halftime or the end of the period they can regroup and end up winning. so yeah...he is struggling and it is very hard to watch, at the same time it is tremendously inspiring. we continue to have faith and thank all who share in this commitment of love and couragous spirit.

Mike

trip to beach

2008-05-22T15:10:00.000-07:00

About a week ago I went to the beach to stay away from the the hospital and the RMH to have some fun well I did. at first I went on a ferry ride it wasnt very long but it still was fun being of the deck and feeling the wind on my face.when we got off the ferry ride we went to point no point a beach in Kingston. I made some sand castles and played with Wyatt we made New Orleans Hayden left with Michael and he swam to a rock in the water and climbed it. and became the king for the week I tried to pay him not to torture me even though I dont think he was going to. I didnt end up paying and he didnt. When we were leaving we got to go back on the ferry with ice cream. I didnt want one so Michael ate it. we we went back we took a couple of pictures and then we got back in our var and left I hope we can do that again sometime.

warm weather

2008-05-19T14:59:00.000-07:00

Time has gotten very strange and somewhat out of whack, bed times have gotten rythmless, days and weeks seem to have no difference. we wake up exhausted, I may get to sleep at 1 am but then Logan is up going to the bathroom, which involves helping him carry his suit case. or the vomit fest , we now have a nifty bucket next to the bed. then there is the beeping of the alarms that go off periodically, the lipids and the tpn have a much milder yet consistent alarm...as compared to the alarm on the ng tube feeding pump, which is a little more annoying. The weirdest thing is when the sounds become integrated into my dreams. Hayden sleeps next to me most of the time is a little cuddle bug and leg flopper...there is the medley of sleep talking ....although it can be interesting at times it is mostly startling as the kids seem to have intense conversations while dreaming. then there is the other medley of sounds I will omit from identifying, use your imagination (or don't).

One thing I forgot to mention in our multicultural experience was that I witnessed the grandmother of a child nursing her...is that normal???

Becky and Logan got accosted by an angry driver swearing at them profusely while accusing them of hogging all the gas.

finally the last set of scans was not as good of news as we had been originally been told. the tumors did show some growth.

Logan seems stable in all that is going on, he gaining some weight and his spirits are great, he is still in a bit of pain and the nausea seems to ebb and flow. his belly is getting kinda big looking, not fat just distended, but he can still dance as he showed us his sweet moves earlier.

May 14th

2008-05-14T11:31:00.000-07:00

Let me see, we played some tennis the other day the sun was out. Hayden and I went running ...that felt good. Logan gets a bit grouchy and he wont eat, he has been a lot less nauseated but it is a real chore to get him to co-operate, he seems to be lulled into a state of apathy. I mean it is not total apthy , kinda like being in a zone, the only thing that perks him up is when he gets a package or mail. He didnt even seem very ecxited about the fact that his tumor showed no signs of growth after being very agressive. Three more weeks of treatment before we find anything else out, this certianly reminds me more of a contest of endurance than anything else. lemme see if I can get Logan to type anything........

yesterday we counted all my penguins I have 48 (wow) alot of penguins. A few days ago we started somthing called TPN it is feeding through I.V. ever sence we started I've been gaining weight rabidly. this mothers day we had a big brunch for my gift to my mom I painted her nails after brunch we went to the zoo and sae the babie gorrilla and other animals. Thats about it this week I'll write again when somthing interesting comes up.

scans GOOD NEWS scans

2008-05-09T15:26:00.000-07:00

Ok we just got back ...well Hayden, Wyatt and I, logan is gettin some treatment. The docs looked at the scans today and saw no tumor growth.....and that is extreemly good news. That means something is working. since we are dealing with a very agressive cancer and the last scans showed significant growth we are very pleased and actually giddy. There is still a lot of work to do, but this is very very good news.

may 6th

2008-05-06T13:27:00.000-07:00

Logan said he was feeling homesick and that he felt like this was going on forever. On the other hand he says that he is gonna beat this and help others from his experience...he also says that he feels stronger than he has since this all began. I interpret stronger as in inner strength and is extremely encouraging for the mere fact that he is candidly expressing these thoughts and feelings.

He weighed in at over 75 lbs this morning so up and up, bit by bit. It was interesting last nite while we were talking and watching some boob tube Logan excitedly groped his abdomen and with wide eyes told me that the tumor is smaller. I cant say if this is wishfull thinking or fact, but it does appear do be genuine and he is certianly aware of his body and what is going on with it.

He is fast asleep right now , we are waiting to get part 2 or our class on using the total parental feeding system back at ronald mcdonald. it is a lot of safety and precaution when administering anything through his main line, .....gotta go people in and out ....wrote more later

monday

2008-05-05T11:08:00.000-07:00

may is here logan weighs 74.4 still up from before, he didnt go to sleep till later last nite and is currently watching animal planet...a story about rescuing a a baby grey whale...kinda interesting but filled with dramatic emotional dialogue. I say that because the doctors here wont dare give a number in relation to Logans probability of success, and they know much more that they did about this whale baby. any how thats what im thinking...crazy as it may sound. the nurses have been great, they gave Logans room a new couch bed.

Logan says "im feeling a lot better. uhmm..ahh..the treatment is a lot easier on me. we get to learn how to use another machine. "

hes not to talkative this morning

mabye later

update time

2008-05-04T15:45:00.000-07:00

OK Ok we sit here in the hospital....What you say? yes ...logan (aka penguin master) was too darn skinny and we came in to see if we can get his weight up using ...uhm TPN (i think). It is an intravenou feed that is administered through his port, and he is already up 2 lbs (err 1 kilo as per Fong kindly pointed out). This came about from when he got his check up and last dose of timsorilimous.

I was able to have a chat with Hawkins and Fong, the main doc and his fellow. This was a result of conflicting information (assessments) that were told to Becky by Fong and Hawkins. I was able to openly ask Fong if he had told Becky that we were just feeding the tumor and that we were basically wasting our time, he said NO, and yes I realize that becky sometimes hears things that are not said. His response that he just wanted to make sure that we had a backup plan if the Timsirolimus didnt work seems out of place since we had already hashed all this out with hawkins when we chose between the treatments two weeks ago. Hawkins did his best job describing how difficult it is telling families the reality of a situation with out taking away hope. He assured me that Him and fong are on the same page and that they would not be treating logan if there was not a reasonable chance he can make it.

Aside from dealing with fongs bedside manner failings Logan is doing extreemly well, and I mean it....he was a little bit hungry and he hasnt thrown up for almost 3 days. his pain is way better and his spirits are sky high. Becky and I got out for a few hours while anne Logan sat, that was kinda nice to get away for a bit. Anne M is an angel...thanks Anne.

Thats about it for now...the sun is really out here and I must say I thought my eyeballs where gonna explode, like I was count dracula or something. we are watching csi Logan loves the crime shows. also we go another foto of the tumor removed from his body...check it out.

today expience

2008-04-30T21:29:00.000-07:00

Today started off bad I threw up first thing in the morning for the next hour I didn't fell good until I went to the massage my mom and I scheduled today my massage was great but moms on the other hand was not so good the person stoped like every five minutes and just sat there day dreaming and when she did massage it hurt mom after that we came home ang I threw up again got in the bath and after that I went to the party the ronald mcdonald house it was fun, there were tables that had games each table was a country and you had a pass port that would use to play the games. at the end of the day it turned out to be a pretty decint day.now were going to watch the golden compass tonight.

Tuesdays

2008-04-29T16:18:00.000-07:00

Sometimes no news is good news...no vomiting today! YES!! we went to the zoo again , that was neat bcause we got to see the brand new baby gorilla.(pics below) on a scale of one to ten Logan...aka penguin master says he feels about a 7.

Logan says thanks for all the gifts....and hes watching a funny movie, he also states that when he feels 8 and above he will write a post of his own......

2 step forward..1 backward

2008-04-27T00:47:00.000-07:00

yes we had some more midnight vomiting, we had just been to the hospital to get the feeding tube put back in because he threw up earlier after trying to eat some won tons (sorry Anne m.). There is some abdominal discomfort and constipation, a little bit of bloody stool which in turn led to the discovery of a small hemorrhoid......most of us might be a bit horrified at this but honestly it was fodder for some very interesting conversation and some good laughs. The time when there is vomiting and pain Logan is ....in the moment, then he can turn around and be him self, happy funny,witty. It is encouraging to see this because it shows that he has maintained a strong resilience. This is something I'm sure will continue to be tested...in a big way!

Logan was in a very good mood for much of the day.... but.....as I mentioned above, things happen and it reminded me of the saying 2 steps forward...1 back. As I've been writing this I made 45$$ playing online poker tourney...and I'm hearing the sweet sounds of back to normal....Becky is snoring and Logan is talking in his sleep...he just said"1...2...3....go"

unfortunately I just had a cup of coffee so I'm back to reading some great stuff on cytokins..

back to the cancer stuff......

2008-04-26T11:05:00.000-07:00

Logan and Becky are fast asleep (its 11 here...am), I just gave Logan some vitamins mixed with pure fish oil, and some medium chain triglyceride oil. I inject these through his feeding tube and are used by the body as an energy source that is not stolen by the tumor for its use. Logan was discouraged yesterday because he had lost weight again, we gave him some saline (made him check weight before we left) and shazaam he gained weight. This showed him that minor weight fluctuations can occure during a day....it helped him to not stress too much more. yes his loss of appetite and weight loss is at a critical point.

Logan got another treatment of timsorilimus yesterday, Abe Fong the doctor/fellow under Hawkins pulled Becky aside and basically asked her when she is going to pull the plug, that we are doing nothing but feeding his tumor. This obviously disturbed Becky...as it did me, we ...I can assure anyone who reads this, are aware of the reality of the situation and deeply cognizant of the uphill battle that we (that includes you reading this) are entrenched in. Is Fong socially retarded, or is this normal? Dr.Hawkins says he thinks Logan has a good chance ...Fong goes behind his back and suggests hospice.

Regardless of what the doctors and other so called pundits may surmise, good or bad, it is my first hand opinion that we are far from throwing in the towel. I will suggest to Fong that he put his education and experience to work in a more constructive fashion.

the sun shines here today

Mike

John Brockman's visit

2008-04-24T14:07:00.000-07:00

This guy made Logans day...I was impressed, what a great person. We will definitely root for him in his senior year. Logan has been feeling not so well, his weight has been dipping and we are battling this factor. He is much better today, our sense is he is making progress but there is no tangible evidence.

Thank you John

John Brockman's visit

2008-04-23T13:56:00.000-07:00

today John brockman came to the ronald house and we had fun. He played basketball with us and he showed us how he could slam dunk it was amazing I've never seen someone slam dunk on a 10 foot hoop with my own eyes. he almost could make a full court shot we tried to get the ball away from him but he had alot more than one trick up his sleeve after playing basketball we went inside to give John a tour in the begining of the tour he gave us each a shirt and signed it and he gave me a pair of his shoes and signed them they were size 17 big shoes we headed down the stairs and I through up in a trsh can by the elevator so I went and layed down and hayden and wyatt finished the tour with john.

Life with a tube in your nose

2008-04-21T12:18:00.000-07:00

Living with a tube in your nose is not the most fun thing I can think of especally if it's feeding you. My feeding tube is run by a machine that is in a backpack I carry everywhere I go it weighs about 10 pounds so I can't move as quickly and jump as high but I still can play basket-ball and play other games.The food I get through my tube is two cans of formula and blended up vegtables and fruit and extra suppliments like protien powder, makes you hungry right.so that's what life with a feeding tube is like.

Some days

2008-04-17T21:12:00.000-07:00

Aunt Anne is back again and we are very happy, she stayed in the room with us last nite and it was like a fun sleep over. tonight she is staying with Anne Manhart and I will add that she is amazing also, great for Becky and the kids love her(not only because she works for the maker of the xbox). David Fliegel took Wyatt and Hayden kayaking and they had a great great time....thanks and cheers to David. My little dog Lucy back in Missoula is sick(shes old,17)and Mark and Kris have gone out of their way to help...thank you.

We meet with Hawkins and that went well but in all honesty was very difficult.....1st logan threw up his feeding tube again. Then he weighed in a pound less than last time and that upset him. The nurses gave Logan a heavy dose of adavan by error which completely snowed him, this upset Becky and me (and Logan). To complicate the issue I thought Becky ordered it, when she hadn't. Hawkins then presented 3 options of treatment...4 if you count the option of no treatment. I feel these are stronger and more promising than the treatment he just received, Becky didn't take them as well but I suspect that this was in part due to the fact that Logan was Laying on the table in the room as if he had just overdosed on Heroin. Ultimately the treatment of Timsorilus was decided upon(the same as what John Fliegel discussed in his email). For those that are not privy to his description I will just say it is in the same family as the sutent variety and works by shutting down a tumors ability to create a blood supply. This is called antiangiogenesis, it is relatively new in cancer treatment and shows significant possibilities.

All in all Logan feels good his spirits are high and we are very proud of him, he has a deep strength. Wyatt and Hayden have been beyond spectacular in their behavior and loving support of their brother.

No one stays on point better than Becky, it wouldn't be fair to say that she doesn't struggle a lot. what is of more importance to say is that she is stepping up to each new challenge with great stre ength....I know she needs and appreciates every ones love and prayers.

Healers and naturopaths

2008-04-14T23:21:00.000-07:00

Today we did two things, we meet with a doctor of natural medicine to guide us with nutrition and supplement support, and we took Logan to see a crystal healing metaphysical minister for the second time....Logan likes it and legitimately connects with what happens during his treatments ( I am curiously surprised). The doctor at the Bastyr clinic suggested some good things, in a serendipitous way the random doctor we got already knew about Logan. someone from Missoula had called him and had referred us to him.... that is a little bit ...uhm...well ...coincidental shall we say.

First Results after one month

2008-04-12T17:48:00.000-07:00

Logan is asleep and he loved the massage.....

The doctors gave us a good news / Bad news scenerio. Some tumors shrank by about 1/3 and there was no evidence of active cancer in his bones, thats very good!! The main tumor significantly increased in size, and is putting a lot of pressure on his ascending colan and stomach. Thats bad!

They are strategizing about changing treatment, they indicate some form of the Sutent drug we originally expected to be used for first line treatment. This I think is good, sutent has much less side affects and statistic as a whole are significantly higher(if you like using numbers) than traditional chemo. The primary downside is that they will be pioneering this treatment on Logan, as all available data is in treatment on adults.

Massage day

2008-04-12T11:06:00.000-07:00

Mike and Logan are getting a massage .....they will add captions to photos and write about....the test results, new treatment and all kinds of things later today....

my mom is so sweat

2008-04-09T10:18:00.000-07:00

My mom is handleing this very well. We all know she is a big worrier.but she took changeing are diet very well and man I have no idea how she puts up with all four of us. we are swarming her with information on foods now even she comes up with health ideas this morning she wants to go for a walk that's amazing I'd think she would want me to lay down and sleep she has been a huge help in me recovering she always makes sure I get my medicines and make sure I'm not in pain and when I'm pukeing my guts out in the toilet she's usually rubbing my back .I just wanted to say a big thank you to my mom.
MOM YOU ROCK!

fun at the zoo

2008-04-08T17:04:00.000-07:00

As you know I got to feed the penguins at the takoma zoo,I'm going to let you know how it went . first I got to go in side the penguin cage and watch the penguins swim we brought a bucket in the cag and when they set the bucket down all the penguins came running well I should say wadiling but they were moving fast at first the zooworkers were feeding them but then they let me try to feed a penguin but it was the babie of the group and it was to shy to eat out of my hand finally the zooworkers let me just throw the fish in the water when that fish hit the water it looked like instintly a penguins mouth hit that fish I can't believe I got to feed a penguin.

It was my dream.

what a day....

2008-04-06T23:35:00.000-07:00

We just finished loading the latest picture for Logan and now he is asleep, he will add his own words tomorrow. I feel the need to briefly describe two important events....1) thank you Ann Cote we had a great time at the zoo and Logan loved his personalized experience with the penguins, the pictures seem to make him look a little worse off than he really is....but look at his smile that says the most. 2) We went to eat at a really great Italian ristaurante, great compliment to a great day!! the description that follows is more like the 3 stooges ...if you can imagine. Earlier this morning Logan had thrown up not long after he had taken his meds....this kinda messes things up. Now is he getting enough pain relief and anti-nausea? do we give him more? so he was kinda up and down today and a bit nauseous all day. (that's why the wheel chair) Sooooo, back to the restaurant ....we were busy recapping the day eating spaghetti-canolone-garlic bread, etc , laughing when suddenly Logan sat up....stated he felt sick ....covered his mouth as projectile vomit erupted from his little fingers(it was a lot) Becky leaned to help him. He had caused his Ng feeding tube to come up and Becky in-advertantly started pulling it out the wrong way,. Logan quickly corrected her and safely removed it, as he sat in a very big mess. I discretely got the waitress attention and got some towels and tried to block the view from tables close by. At this point Hayden and Wyatt were rethinking their dinner choices while Anne and Carrie helped. I took him in the bathroom got him washed up..went back to the table where he sat down said he was starving and ate a bunch of spaghetti as if nothing happened. All this happened and none of the about 35 people at nearby tables ever noticed. (and talk about a super waitress, she was amazingly gracious and helpful)

I guess what I learned is that as much as we try and have some normality through all this, life has a way of reminding us....uhm...to prepare for the unexpected!!!???!!!

MIKE

NG feeding tube

2008-04-04T22:06:00.000-07:00

[Technical description]
Enteral feeding is preferred when “the gut is working” but the child’s intake is inadequate,
the child is eating/drinking little, or when the child has been unable to recover weight
previously lost. This can be provided by;
a) Nasogastric (ng) or nasojejuenal (nj) feeding tube – a feeding tube is placed
through the nose and positioned in the stomach or jejunum. This method requires no
surgical intervention and is used as a first choice for a feeding tube....

So this is was Logan got today....he gets 30cc of liquid food and nutients every hour, the pump and the food bag(refillable) are contained in a nifty little back pack. Frankly this is a great little set up and I can tell Logan is relieved to have it. We will up the ccs he gets untill he reaches 80cc per hour....this will give him about 2000 calories a day which is about 2/3 of what he needs, but it will be much easier to get to around 3000. They told us his body is working hard, and feel this is a good sign......as do I.

MIKE

Puking...Nausea....Barfing

2008-04-04T09:53:00.000-07:00

Well since i estimate that ive thrown up/puked about 50 times, it is a big part of my daily life. I had gotten sick ...vomited before but now the nausea doesnt go away. It will get better next week. For instance we all went to a really good restaurant with some healthy food named Californian Pizza kitchen, I managed to eat some yummy food then ...whammo...I was rushing to the bathroom. Mike says im getting good at it ...but i dont care what anyone says pizza is not pretty shooting out your nose. The medicine helps a little, I am taking Zophran. It is not very fun feeling sick all the time but it is what I need to go through to get better. I might get an ENG today which is a feeding tube. It goes up the nose and down the stomach, they say it will help. I know i need food in so that will take the stress away....I dont wanna be a cancer patient who suffers from malnutrition and then that becomes a problem...because I will need all my strength to beat up my brothers when they get out of line, and to keep them from becomming sissys.

LOGAN

Round 2 underway......

2008-04-02T09:55:00.000-07:00

----currently----
Logan just threw up his eyes are blood shot and he has a temperature of 99.5. everyone is still in bed except me, Logan and I walked to the reception to get a package that Jeff & Lisa sent, then he went right back to bed.

Yesterday went well as can be expected it was a sunny day and we all made a pact not to be so gloomy and depressed while Logan was getting the chemo administered like we had the previous time. Although the actual chemo treatment is only about 1 1/2 hours long it ends up being an all day ordeal over there at Childrens. Why? you may ask? they do a lot of checking before like weight, height, asking questions(and answering Beckys), accessing his port(the tube thingy that is in his chest...kinda like an IV but more efficient), primarily they want to check his blood count....so some blood is drawn via his port and sent to the lab. In my opinion this was excellent news!!! all of Logans counts were way up....platelets, red blood cells and white blood cells had all doubled. The downside to Logans status is that he is under weight.......he had lost 4 lbs since last week and is again on the border of getting a feeding tube.

Finally Becky broke down and stated crying while Logan was getting the chemo, the rest of us maintained our composure and Logan endured another round of extremely toxic medicine.

As a lighter note Logans hair has begun to fall out(the mohawk) and he enjoys getting a rise out of his mother by pulling wads out and showing her....he says"hey mom look it doesnt even hurt"

finally thanks for everyones Love and support I can tell you first hand it makes a tremendous difference........thank you

MIKE

what's going on right now

2008-03-31T20:26:00.000-07:00

The main thing I'm thinking about is chemo on Tuesday and if I will strike a high fever again hopefuly I won't but I'm guessing I will and I will get admited to the hospital and I will get some anti-biodics to make sure it's not a bactierea in my blood and even if there was it would get cured so nothing to worry about. I hope I don't have to go through all of that. thinking happy thoughts will help me get through this because no matter how far away you are positive energy can travel farther and positive energy is like medicine that I don't have to take so think positive.

chemo soon to come again

2008-03-29T08:53:00.000-07:00

Last chemo treatment didn't go so well I got admited to the hospital two days after chemo therapy with a 102 degree fever they don't know if it was the gemsidabeen or the bone booster but we will find out this week because I only get chemo therapy this week and not the bone booster I think it was the chemo but I'll find out and let you know what it was when I find out. I'm expecting to feel horribley sick again after week two. Thank you for all of the cards and gifts and visits they put a smile on my face.

Snow in Seattle??

2008-03-29T08:34:00.003-07:00

Yup it snowed here yesterday......didnt stick but they were big wet flakes. Logan and I watch a little TV now and then, I like the news........ Logan likes the crime solving shows. Overall Logan is doing well, actually he is handling the chemo better than I thought he would. Ok he looks a little on the skinny side and he has this really goofy hair cut. That Mike cut but it looks good on me<----Logan wrote that!

Logan still Pukes but not nearly as much and the pain is under control. The most amazing part is that Logan has a great attitude and is very proactive in his treatment process.

Mike

2008-03-29T08:34:00.001-07:00

My last checkup

2008-03-25T08:38:00.000-07:00

one of the most inportant things in having cancer is your weight,blood,platlets(for blood claughting), and white bloodcells(for fighting infection). The doctors were watching my weight go down and down they said if I lost 2.2 more pounds I would get a feeding tube witch is a tube they put in while your awake that goes up your nose you down your throat into your stomach and it feeds you and I would have to were a backpack everywhere I go to carry the food. does that sound much fun? No. I weighed 76lbs. when I first started chemo therapy at my last check up I went to I had a big surprise I was 80 lbs. I gained weight so I don't have to get a feeding tube.

My goal in life.

2008-03-25T08:14:00.000-07:00

My goal in life is to have the biggest penguin collection in the world because I love penguins who can't they're so cute and funny like they walk really wierd. when I go to a store and see a penguin I can't resist to ask for it but usally I don't have my money with me so I can't buy it "darnit!" but I think I'm doing good I have 14 stuffed penguins, a pair of penguin slippers and 3 penguin books and I love them and I'm a member on CLUB PENGUIN only the best game in the world I mean you can literaly walk around the world of club penguin as a dressed up penguin and you can talk, make a house, and have pets and that's a lot of fun plus you get to selebrate holidays like easter and holloween I log on almost everyday just to see what's going on I wish I owned club penguin.

Very scary

2008-03-24T15:24:00.000-07:00

What most scared me when I was re-diagnosed with cancer was I was the first kid in the hospital to have renal cell carsinoma come back and 3rd kid
in the world to have it come back. they didn't have a treatment so they sent me home and gmade some phone calls to people around the world to get a plan for my treatment. there plan was to give me chemo every two weeks and a bone builder every month the first time I got chemo was horrible two days after I was in the hospital 103 degree fever. now I'm getting ready to get my next chemo treatment I'll let you know how it goes.

The view of the cancer by a brother

2008-03-24T10:23:00.000-07:00

As Logan's oldest brother it has not just been tough on Logan it has been tough on everybody in the family watching Logan go through chemo and watching him get pocket and proted at. We might not go through the pain but we have to deal some mental pain not is much is Logan goes through but it is still tuff. The night we got the phone call I broke into tears hearing that my brothers cancer came back. I feel at Seattle Childrens Hospital we can kill this cancer. I know that they can kill it.
When chemo started about a week ago it was hard seeing the nurse put those nasty drugs in Logan. What holds me back was that I know that this will kill my brothers cancer. The next day Logan went back to the hospital to get the bone stuff that is supposed to strenghten his bones. The next day Logan had a spiking fever of 102.3 so we brought him into the hospital so they could find out what was wrong. They took some blood them moved him into issolation, that was hard to know that we would have to were a mask when we say him. Were now here in the Ranold McDonald waiting for his next a pointment.
One thing I always think about is that how are mom supports all of us, she does a lot of things and she still does not give up. She is the greatest mom I could ever have. Hayden and I will be going to a school that is for kids that have brothers or sisters that have cancer or any other disease even some patients go to school with use I have heard it is a good school. The school is Hutch School. It should be fun.
Wyatt

logans brother hayden point of view

2008-03-24T10:17:00.000-07:00

Watching Logan with this stinks first my first reason it stinks is that my mom is freaking out and Logan is doing all these drugs like six pills a day. It hurts me watching him with all those tubs in him (ports, IV,ect) but there are some good things about this place. First we get to see all my aunts,uncles and cousins which I had fun with. I also get to meet new friends which I think is a good experience. Plus we get a lot of sea food ( which we don't get in Montana).One of my cousins didn't even know he liked sea food until he ate some crab that was discarded by my brother it was really funny watching him try to eat the crab.
My friends and I are trying to still keep in contact using the telephone that my mom got my brothers and I. Plus one of my best friends is coming to Seattle his name is Jackson. I haven't been talking to him on the phone a lot but I will be able to talk to him when he comes on spring break. I am really exited about of him coming here for a couple of days, his mom is really nice, she is always trying to make this experience y brother getting cancer better. Last time I spoke with her was at the Pike street market where we were explaining to her what the surrounding's looked like. This was funny because all we saw around us was really strange like a person who rolled his piano around playing, it was creepy and funny at the same time.
this is hayden I will write a little later we are going shoping

Dr Hawkins

2008-03-21T14:19:00.000-07:00

Professional Information
Academic Title:
Associate Professor, Pediatrics
Specialties:
Hematology-Oncology
On Medical Staff Since:
February 24, 1996
Gender:
Male
Languages Spoken (other than English):
None
Contact Information
Address:
Children'sB-6553 - Hematology-Oncology4800 Sand Point Way NESeattle, WA 98105
Location:
Seattle
Phone:
(206)987-2380
Professional History
Board Certified:
Pediatric Hematology-Oncology
Medical/Professional School:
Harvard Medical School, Boston
Residency:
University of Washington, Seattle
Clinical Interests:
Sarcomas, New therapy
Honors & Awards:
Seattle Magazine Best Doctor 2004-05 Seattle Metropolitan Magazine Top Doctor, 2006-07

A lot has happened

2008-03-21T10:30:00.000-07:00

first we had to wait a few days to meet with the doctors , my gramma and 2 aunts Anne and Ellen with 2 cousins Emily and Holly were here to see me. It made me feel better that they were her because i knew a lot of people cared, especially them. We did a lot together like swimming at thier hotel and we also went to pike street market, I was still in a little bit of pain but I still had a lot of fun.
All kinds of people would be giving me $$$$$ especially a lepperkaun named Anne. I have save over 100 dollars, that is fun too but the best part is seeing my cousins.

Next everyone meet with dr.Hawkins except me, I was very nervous and scared that my cancer had spread to my brain...this is bad news that I really did not want to hear, so I stayed at the ronald macdonald house. but It ended up being good news because the cancer had not grown at all..for over a week with no medication. my new healthy living must be working.

The Dr hawkins wanted to do chemo-therapy, the bad thing about chemo is that it can make you feel really sick and you lose your appetite. the good part is that the chemo kills the cancer and makesa the tumors shrink. The dr. said that my cancer is very very very rare, like im the third kid in the bworld to ever get this, and that is rare!

what makes me feel good is that the other 2 kids were treated successfully.

Next I needed to get a port put in so that they could put the chemo and other things in me safely. I had a port put in before so i wasnt tooo nervous but it is still sugery and they needed to put the mask on my mouth and nose to make me go to sleep then they put the tube into or near my heart.

the very next day this past tuesday I did my 1st chemo treatment. I was really nervous, I did not know what to expect. what ended up happening was that they injected a gigantic tube of red liquid( called doxsorubicin) into my port, it was wierd because the firt time I peed it was like red powerade. then they bput this bag of other chemo called (gemcitibine) into a dripper thing that went into my port thing that then went into my blood. this part took a lot longer, about 1 and 1/2 hours. I was worried i was gonna throw up during the chemo because thats what they said the side effect was.

There sure seemed to be a lot of nurses and doctors, but the nurses did all the work. except the surgeons ...they do a lot too, Dr Hawkins makes the important descisions and dr fong likes to argue a lot he must be new. I also got checked by dr mathews who is dr hawkins wifwe, she has a positive attitude.

Im gonna take a break now My friend mr Fred is here and im might try and eat.

My treatment

2008-03-12T16:37:00.000-07:00

If you all ready read baaaaaaaaaaad news! then you know my cancer came back well I am the first kid at this hospital to have renal cell carsinoma and have to treatment besides surgery the treatment that I will get is call sutent it is a type of cure that kills the tumors vanes that feed it I don't know much about it yet but I'll let you know when I do. hope it works so do the doctors.

Baaaaad News!!!!

2008-03-08T14:58:00.000-08:00

I just got the worst news I could get in my life I have cancer again! (NOOO!) I was expecting to go to seattle and have a nice trip, but oh no my life just has to get tougher. There are like 4 tumors I think in my bones and my limphnotes I have to go back to seattle when they say so but for now I get to stay at home and pack for the next year to come.The doctors were surprised and are working on a plan with the rest of the world. IF IT DOSNE'T KILL IT JUST MAKES YOU TOUGHER.

First wrestling tournament this year.

2008-03-03T17:07:00.000-08:00

I was recovering like everyone after cancer and I decided I was going to get active so I did wrestling. Last Saturday I went to my first matches even though I lost all of them I still was proud that I got out there and did what was best for me.Everyone says they're proud too. I will continue to try to stay as active as I can.

Logan

Going back

2008-03-03T17:00:00.000-08:00

As you know after you get cancer most of us worry (ALOT!) everyone has checkups well mine is on Friday March 7th 2008 I will get two scans a cat scan and a lungscan I'm exited (worried!), and I get a feeling of wonder also it is my FIRST checkup.

Logan

wrestling is hard.

2008-02-21T14:39:00.000-08:00

I went the first night to practice but when I got back from wrestling I was sore! I mean I almost couldn't move I was so sore I had to stay home from school the next day I got a heating pad that gives masages and that felt good I'm going back today and wil see how it goes.

Moms

2008-02-10T13:43:00.000-08:00

There was always one person with me, my mom.I just want to say thanks for being there for me all the time and I can't say thank you enough.She was always geting me what I need, talking to doctors making me feel good and taking me to the best childrens hospital in the world for what I had.
Thank you,
Logan